I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
