I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I am morally bankrupt
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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