girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
