He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
