dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
