Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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