We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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