I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
