sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
