you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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