So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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