if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
