...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
