so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
