then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
