I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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