he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
