she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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