i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
