i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
