it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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