this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize