I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My vagina is officially offended.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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