I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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