Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
