He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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