please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
