I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
