Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
