Four minutes until I can fart!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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