isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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