I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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