Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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