We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
