Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
