theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
soo... how was my night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
