Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
