I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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