New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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