She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This is the high leading the old right now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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