Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
