well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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