I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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