...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
