the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
