I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Welp...herpes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
