Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
