Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
