dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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