The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
