well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
