I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
