Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
