the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
