are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
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Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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