Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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