its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
