Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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