I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
