Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
