This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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