All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
