I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
