also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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