so that wasnt chicken after all
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
