Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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